What comes to mind when you hear primary caregiver? A mother waking up at the crack of dawn, getting the house cleaned, food cooked, kids bathed and everything running like a well-oiled machine; or do you think of a mother getting up and going to work while the father stays home and keeps things running? Usually it is the former.
Let’s admit it, when you think of stay-at-home fathers, you think of the house looking like a tornado hit and the kids running wild. Society has painted and stapled this picture into our minds whenever they portray a father staying with the kids for a day in any television show or movie. It usually ends with mom coming to the rescue and making everything better again. But let’s be honest, there are fathers out there that are just as amazing as caregivers that choose to stay at home with the kids while the mothers work. Stay-at-home fathers should not be seen as taboo or as a disaster; in fact, Pew Research Center has noted that the number of stay-at-home fathers is on the rise. In 1989, the number was at 10% of fathers staying home, and as of 2012, that has become 16% of fathers staying home. They also noted that 21% say that the reason is simply to take care of their families and not a result of losing their jobs or being unable to find work.
Not only are stay-at-home fathers on the rise, they are also making a big impact on how children grow up. Yes mothers are important and we would literally not be here without them, but fathers have just as big of an impact on our lives as mothers do. When fathers are in our lives, we get to learn about things from his perspective and that can mold us to be either good men or good women. Huffington Post says that the way fathers hold us as children can impact us. They say fathers tend to hold us out into the world, while mothers hold us facing them. By the father holding us facing the world, we learn how to engage with our surroundings. Mothers are practically wired to make us feel protected at all times and worry about every little thing in the world we may have a run-in with; while this is a good thing, it can also make us grow up to be sheltered and unable to deal with real world problems. Fathers on the other hand, they teach us the good and the bad and encourage us to explore the world.
Boys in particular need that male presence in their lives. Having that male presence is important because, no matter how much mothers try, there are just some things that only a father can teach their sons. Melanie Horn Mallers, a professor at California State University, told Huffington Post that when boys do not have that male presence around, were not a good at handling stress as those who had a strong male presence growing up. This is because fathers teach their sons how to handle stressful situations and develop problem-solving skills. Mallers says that playtime with their fathers have also helped to establish positive relationships. Fathers’ rough-house with their sons and this teaches them limits: how to play, when to stop, what to do; this can lead to strong friendships and confidence in the world.
For those future fathers that need all the help to prepare them for fatherhood, the Children’s Board of Hillsborough County’s Family Resource Centers in Central Tampa offers parenting classes called “24/7 Dads” that focuses on men being the stay-at-home parent and how they should handle it. The classes are every 4th Saturday of each month from 9 a.m. – 12 p.m. and registration is required. Fathers play such an important role in kids’ lives and it is about time we start getting used to fathers stepping to the plate and becoming stay-at-home dads.
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